I need to rant. Once again.

It's the first day of the holidays. It is a bright, sunny morning that foretells people that it is a great day today. But I think it'll never ever happen to me.

I thought the cold war is over. It has started again, to my dismay. I NEVER WANTED TO QUARREL WITH YOU ALL. Like my facebook status, I said that one of life's most difficult challenges was to maintain non-violence at home. Right in the morning, I have to withstand insults from my sister. I tried to remain quiet. It's really difficult to do so. Even if I could, I had to keep my fist from ever touching her because she's the goddess in this home. She's everything. I'm like the person they're forced to feed. I ain't human I think. Maybe I'm a dog, eh.

Maybe I'm not supposed to be here either.

Someone said he's gonna kill me, as a joke. I laughed along. Deep down, I really hoped that he would kill me.

Why couldn't you solve my problems?
 It's because even if I told you, you wouldn't solve it. All you'd do is to add salt to the wound.
By continuing to nag at me, by continuing to do nothing, and by continuing to tell me that I'm the one at fault when clearly it's the other person at fault, you're slowly murdering me. You're slowly poisoning my soul, I tell you.

I gave you a chance, by telling you that Kimberly had been insulting me all morning. I've given you this chance. All you did was to throw it away. 

You have made me give up on you. For the umpteenth time. Maybe I'm doing that to you too. But really, you have made me give up on you. You'll still be my mum. You'll still be my sister. You'll still be my dad.

But forevermore, all I'll do to you is to use the basic sign language at you. I'll never open my mouth to talk again. It makes no sense to talk you anymore. 

Even if it's gonna kill me, I'll still not talk. I shall not raise my fists either. Even if it seems like I'm making myself look pitiful, which I sincerely think it is, I shall not talk. I will suffer in silence. Even if you go down on your knees and beg me to tell you my problems, I'll never talk again. Cos you're not solving it. You're worsening my situation. 


You can say that you've lost me. It's like I'm there physically. But spiritually and psychologically, I'm gone. 


Byebye world. Presenting you, Jacinta the robot.

I'm never going to tell you my problems forevermore.