The main reason is because I'm afraid to go home. I'm scared that when I get home, my big mouth will become active and offend my parents. Honestly when I am about to go home, I think about what will happen. As I lay on my bed, I heave a sigh of relief that my mouth didn't say anything that offended them. Because my mouth tends to become less "crazy" before people who are not family, I do offend, but not as much.

This is also one of the reasons why I've stopped going to my grandmother's house. As much as I miss her, I really want to stop myself from saying the wrong things and end up getting people and myself upset. Sometimes I really want to become mute. 

To make things worse, I'll scream at the person whom I offended because I feel that I'm right. Of course the other party is kinda at fault too, but in order to defend myself/when people do not understand me, I'll scream at the person.

Someone told me this:

Why people scream and shout at a person when they are angry? It's because the screamer feels that the other party doesn't understand him/herself.

I felt that was quite true. I scream when people misunderstand me. That just makes it worse. 

Like today.

Mum cooked something with green peas. I absolutely hate green peas, and I will try to get every pea out before I eat the food. People don't understand me, you see. I so totally hate it.

I used to complain alot about the food she cooks. Now I rarely do that. It's usually my sis who does that. Sometimes we don't even complain.

For the first time after the long hiatus, I complained about the green peas. I said that I do that to the fried rice I eat too. I mean, she's my mother, and I thought she would be more thoughtful when she cooks. But no, she didn't. I merely complained, and my point was to make her to NEVER cook anything with green peas ever again. She said that it's tiring to cook for us, blah blah blah, and that it's either me or my sis who complains. But hey, I haven't complained in a long time!!!

I guess it was because of this that made me go mad. I hate people who misunderstand me. 

I DON'T KNOW YOU IDIOT, YOU MADE ME FEEL SO MISUNDERSTOOD THAT I FEEL LIKE GETTING A CLEAVER AND SLASH AT YOUUUUU! 

MUM, COULD YOU JUST RECOGNIZE THE FACT THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR FOOD IN AWHILE?!

I HATE YOU!

And no, hate is not a strong word.

So why do I go to the library everyday? It's because I hate getting misunderstood by my family members, especially those who knew me for 15 years, everyday of my mundane life. So now you know. Stop asking me why. It's irritating having to answer your questions. And why do I not go for CCA? Because I don't like her. Okay?

 PS: And for you passerbys who think that I'm a sucker who doesn't respect her parents, you're wrong. I disrespect you more, because I'm trying to vent my anger here. If you don't let me vent my anger, for all you know, I might just commit suicide, and you have a part in this because your comment made me feel that it's wrong for me to vent my anger. So just shut your mouth up if you're gonna say that I'm unfilial, it's wrong of me to say that of my mum. 

I do understand her feelings. But still, I'm an extremely normal human with a lousy, mundane life. So forgive me, AND SHUT YOUR BIG MOUTH UP. All because I need to vent. Don't you?

But anyway, Fuck My Life. It sucks.